


Heaving Through Corrupted Lungs

by Hock_hug



Series: 52 Weeks of Hockey [40]
Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: Cliffhangers, M/M, Near Death Experiences, Sad, Things have to get worse before they can get better, breakdown - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-01
Updated: 2020-02-01
Packaged: 2021-02-27 19:21:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 906
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22500892
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hock_hug/pseuds/Hock_hug
Summary: Who knew that trying not to ruin anything would ruin everything?
Relationships: Joel Farabee/Morgan Frost
Series: 52 Weeks of Hockey [40]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1122324
Comments: 6
Kudos: 31





	Heaving Through Corrupted Lungs

Joel couldn’t go more than half an hour without coughing. It kept him off the ice, it kept him tucked in a corner away from everything, and it kept him away from Morgan. It broke his heart a little, knowing that Morgan knew what was wrong with him. Every time Morgan saw him, he looked so sad, devastated, really, and Joel couldn’t do a thing about it. He regretted letting Morgan see him so weak with every fiber of his being, but there was nothing he could do. He had tried his hardest not to let his condition ruin whatever they had, but in the end it hadn’t mattered. They were ruined. He was ruined.

\---

The doctors said he didn’t long until he wouldn’t be able to survive the flowers, maybe a week or two, and he wanted to enjoy whatever time he had left. Naturally, he had Morgan over constantly. They did what they always did, but it didn’t feel the same. A veil had fallen over them, the shadow of Joel’s suddenly apparent mortality drowning them. Neither of them laughed anymore, and Morgan’s eternal sunshine seemed to have burnt out. Joel pondered that while they sat side by side on his couch, watching a mindless show.

Morgan sat close to him now, close enough to touch, and all Joel wanted to do was pull him in and wrap him in his arms. There wasn’t much stopping him, only the bare threads of his dignity and the fear of being rejected, but that could only do too much. Before he could lose his confidence, he threw an arm around Morgan’s shoulder and gently pulled him against his side. To his surprise, Morgan went easily and immediately snuggled closer. They stayed like that for a while, Joel softly rubbing his hand up and down Morgan’s arm. Morgan let his head rest against Joel’s shoulder, so it was easy to tell when his breathing got shaky. Between one second and another, Morgan was crying against him. 

“Morgan…” Joel wrapped his other arm around him, pulling him closer. Morgan clung to him as he sobbed, broken and defeated. 

“I-” he tried to speak through his tears. “I just don’t want-” Morgan choked on a sob, unable to finish his thought. Joel rubbed his back and wished there was anything he could do to ease his friend’s pain. His heart broke more and more as Morgan trembled in his arms.

“I just don’t want you to die, Bee,” Morgan whimpered. “I don’t want to lose you.” The end of his sentence tapered off into silent tears. 

Joel felt his chest seize. He couldn’t stop the petals from erupting from his chest, but  _ god  _ he wished he could. Morgan looked destroyed, tears running down his cheeks and his face stained red. Joel waited for the fit to stop, for the petals to stop coming up, but they didn’t. It just kept going and going until he had his own tear tracks and his vision began to go grey. 

“Just tell me who it is, Joel,” Morgan begged, grabbing his shoulders. “I’ll do anything. I’ll find her, I’ll get her to love you, I swear! Just please,  _ please _ tell me.”

Her? As if. 

Joel just kept coughing, until something got caught in his esophagus. He gagged and tried to force it out, but nothing was working. Morgan pounded on his back, hyperventilating. This wasn’t how Joel wanted to go. He forced himself to calm down enough to reach into his mouth and grab the edges of whatever was stuck in his throat.

He pulled out a flower, fully bloomed and covered in blood. Morgan sagged against the couch, catching his breath. Joel wiped his face before turning to his friend.

“Sorry you had to see that.” An understatement for sure, but what do you even say to your friend after they see you nearly choke to death on a flower. Morgan huffed out something that might’ve been a laugh if it didn’t sound so depressed.

“Me too.” They looked at each other for a moment before Morgan offered him a shaky smile. “So, will you please tell me who it is? I know I can’t do anything, not really, but I want to try.”

He spent so long trying not to ruin what he had with Morgan, he didn’t realize that he was ruining Morgan. He took in the bags under his eyes, the perpetual sadness in his eyes, the tightness of his smile, and he made up his mind.

“There is no ‘her’, Morgan.” Morgan’s brow furrowed.

“Then who is it?” Joel took a deep breath, and Morgan’s face cleared. “Oh my god.”

Joel cringed. He didn’t want the eminent rejection, but it was bound to happen eventually.

“Is it Travis? Dude, you know he would be chill about it!”  _ What? _

“Fuck, no. It’s not Teeks. He’s in love with Patty, anyways.” Not that Travis would be a bad guy to fall in love with, but like, no.

“Who is it, then? If they’re an asshole, I’ll kick their ass myself.” Morgan looked so earnest, so eager just to know who Joel had gone and fallen in love with, and who was Joel to deny him? With another deep breath, Joel looked Morgan in the eyes and steeled himself, readying himself for the worst, though it couldn’t get much worse than this.

“It’s you, Morgan. It’s only ever been you.”


End file.
